this week's retro Doctor Fun cartoons

Two Gifts For Adam & Eve, Battle of The Sexes,  One day The Lord came to Adam, and said, "I've got some good newsand some bad news". Adam said, "Well, give me the good news first." The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time."

THREE NUNS AND A PARROT Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory.  They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors. One day, they heard, "yellow, blue, black."  One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible. The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke,  "black, black, black."  Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished! One of the nuns spoke up, "Girls, tomorrow  we are going to trick that bird." Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments.  Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house. They peeked at the bird.  At the beginning, the parrot looked a bit puzzled, he swung back and forth on the cane he was perched on. Then, after a while, the Parrot said, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"

 

The Lonely Frog A lonely frog, desparate for some form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?" "No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."   The Top 16 Chapters in "Sex for Dummies" 16. Evolution 101: Why Dummies Might Actually Make Poor Sex Partners 15. Troubleshooting for Do-It-Yourselfers (NOTE:Memorize this chapter *before* you go blind.) 14. Oh, God! Yes!! Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!: The Missionary Position 13. Am I a Tab A or a Slot B? 12. Engineering Secrets of the Bra: Removal in 14 Simple Steps 11. The Face: How to Tell Your Lover Apart from All Those Other People 10. Chapter 4: No, You Don't *Actually* Blow 9. Stop Masturbating, She's Real! 8. You're Britney, I'm Strom: Introduction to Role Playing 7. Foreplay: Not Just for Her Birthday, Chester 6. Putting the Condom on a Banana is Just for*Practice*, Dumbass 5. Crouching Doggie and Hidden Missionary: A Guide to Sexual Positions 4. "Alternate" Lifestyles: Pokeman? 3. Hey! Watch Those Teeth, Vampira!! 2. Sexual Physics: The Round Peg/Round Hole Theory and the Number 1 Chapter in "Sex for Dummies"... Chapter 1: Mayor McWeiner and the Clamburglar	Zachary Disease There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion. She went to single bars, singles dances etc., but she could never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex doctor, named Dr. Chang. She asked Dr. Chang, "Doctor, please help me find out what's wrong with me!" So Dr. Chang said, "Take off all yur clothes." So she did. Then he said, "Now, get on yur hands and knees and crawl wreal fas away from me, ten craw wreal fas back to me." So the young lady did. Dr. Chang looked at her said, "You got wreal bad case of Zachary disease." The lady asked, "What's that?" Dr. Chang replied, "That's wen yur face lok zachary like yur ass".     God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.   My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...  All reports are in... life is now officially unfair.  If all is not lost, where is it?  It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.  The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.  When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?  It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.  The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.  These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.                      ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-  Read the Darwinian Awards HERE

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